Blank face. I stared at my computer screen as it shot back the glaring effects of my spending habits..... I spent HOW much in 14 days? What? No. That's impossible, dear Bank Account. I'm much more wise than that. Wait, what? I'm not. No. I was utterly disappointed with myself. I knew I was a natural spender, but.....HOLY MOLY, BATMAN! I did NOT expect to see the glaring number. I decided in this moment I was going to take control of my life. I'm 23. It's time to not depend on my parents or others for my future. This is MY TIME!!
The irony of me saying that is I texted my dad saying, "Dad, I have a spending problem." He promptly responded, "I know". Thanks for the faith, dad. Thanks. Haha, in all reality, I knew, but I needed to face this quiet monster before he outgrew me. I am not in AWFUL debt, I'm still within my means, but how much could I have in my savings? That sale at Saks OFF 5th could have waited...but I wasn't patient. I was impulsive. I'm an impulse buyer-which is completely ironic if you know me- I generally weigh out every option, spilling over every detail in most situations. I can either be the detail obsessed person or the on-a-whim person. I don't really know how or why I'm that way; all I know is I am. However, I have to get this spending problem under control. It's a constant battle when I am out shopping or in public-
"That table IS ADORABLE! I NEED IT!! I have the $600 in my bank account...I deserve that table" says the on-a-whim Holly.
The logical, detail obsessed Holly remarks back, "You may HAVE it in your account, but will you still have the 'cushion' in 10 days when the student loan payment comes due?"
"I mean, I'll still have some money- enough for a nice little cushion that I'm still fine if something horrid happens."
"What about going to see your best friend in Dallas? OR I thought you were wanting to get out of debt in 3 years? Moving? Yeah, remember all of those great opportunities- What happened to those plans?"
"Dang it, I guess I don't NEED the table now." On-a-whim Holly hangs her head and walks away from the gorgeous dining room table.
Logical Holly FOR THE WIN!!!
On-a-whim Holly wins quite often as well. But that conversation is normally what is going on in my head when shopping or with friends at dinner.
Debt is what I want to get rid off. I only have my student loan. However, that student loan is a relentless monster knocking on my bank account door each month. I have an ambitious goal to pay off my student loans in 3 years. I was working 2 jobs to make this happen, but instead of putting money aside, I would reason with myself as demonstrated in the conversation above, "Holly, you're working hard. You need to treat yourself." So I would, without hesitation. On-a-whim Holly won most of the time during this period of my life.
Now, I'm all for rewarding yourself, but create checks-n-balances for yourself. You need them. I need them. The government needs them.
What do you want for your future? What do you want for your now?
I'm still trying to decide the answer to those questions. I know, for sure, I desire to be debt free; and I know, for sure, I want to have fun living at 23. How will I manage both goals together? That's what I have to figure out. What works for some people, won't work for me. What works for me, won't work for others. We all have our own journey, story, desires, and results. This happens to be the story of mine. :)
Always,
Holly A. Cox
